Author: Debbie Emery, Aaron Couch

Comedy Central/Screengrab

Ellen Page

Stephen Colbert isn’t very comfortable with the L-word.  

The faux-conservative welcomed Ellen Page to his show Thursday and had a few bones to pick with her, saying he heard she “came out as openly Canadian,” and later saying she “openly came out as a thespian.”

Page, who came out as a lesbian on Valentine’s Day, is featured the cover of the May 16 issue of The Hollywood Reporter, where she opens up about coming out, the Bryan Singer case, and her battle with depression. (Read the story here.)

PHOTOS: ‘X-Men’s’ Ellen Page: Her Career in Pictures

As for her role in the upcoming action sequel X-Men: Days of Future Past, “It is something I relate to because of the Canadian thing,” she joked to Colbert.

Jon Hamm is always a hit when he hosted Saturday Night Live, and Seth Meyers revealed on Thursday that in true Mad Men style, “We all wore suits to pitch,” when he was coming on, but “I was dressed like a hobo because I was off-duty,” said Hamm.

Of course, the most famous skit was a play on his named called “Jon Hamm’s John Ham,” and the actor revealed: “There’s still plenty of that mustard soap left.”

The Million Dollar Arm star and avid baseball fan went on announce, “I am going to Pittsburgh on Sunday, and I’m going to be at the Cardinals-Pirates game on Sunday night on ESPN,” where he will guest host Baseball Tonight.  

Over on CBS,   David Letterman managed to easily embarrass guest James Franco by spilling his Instagram secrets.

“For me it is a fun thing that I don’t put a lot of thought into, but it gets a lot of attention,” Franco revealed before a photo of him flashed up in a pair of baggy white underwear with his hand down his pants.

To celebrate Mother’s Day on Sunday, Jimmy Fallon created #MomQuotes, “We got thousands of tweets and within 20 minutes it was a worldwide trending topic,” said The Tonight Show host.

The ridiculous Twitter topics included butt dialing, confusion over NFL instant replays and a booty call to dad.

On Jimmy Kimmel Live! Lake Bell said she’d never played a real person before Million Dollar Arm, and was delighted when the real Brenda told her at Tuesday’s premiere that she “had all the hand movements down.”

Meanwhile, Kobe Bryant told Kimmel that he wasn’t going to be buying the Los Angeles Clippers anytime soon, and that watching the Lakers recent losing streak while he was injured was tough. “I would rather stay at home and eat paint chips,” said the NBA star.

To celebrate the anxiously-anticipated return of Fox’s most gripping drama in the revived 12-episode event series 24: Live Another Day, The Hollywood Reporter looked back at some of Jack Bauer’s biggest and most brutal moments since the series premiered in November 2001.

Over the years, the Counter Terrorist Unit’s most proficient agent has shot, stabbed, suffocated and even bitten his enemies while attempting to ward off terrorism plots, presidential assassinations and threats to his family and loved ones.

PHOTOS: ’24: Live Another Day’ London Set Revealed

Jack Kills a Member of the FBI Witness Protection Program and Delivers His Head to a Former Gang Member

Season Two, 8 a.m.-9 a.m.

Former militia member Marshall Goren came to a very messy demise despite being a member of the FBI’s witness protection program. While he was being held in downtown Los Angeles, Jack first shot Goren then went to extreme measures after deciding he needed his severed head to establish cover with a terrorist organization. “I’m gonna need a hacksaw,” he growled.

Jack Kills a Guy With a Flare Gun

Season Two, 4 p.m.-5 p.m.

Known as one of Bauer’s best kills — as well as spawning one of his cheesiest lines — Jack tapped into his inner Arnold Schwarzenegger when he blew a Coral Snake mercenary away with a flare gun, telling him: “You’re fired!”

Jack Develops a Heroin Addiction

Season Three

Even Bauer wasn’t immune to the temptations of heroin when he went undercover with a gang run by Mexican drug lord, Ramon Salazar. Jack took heroin to maintain his cover and got hooked, but going cold turkey to battle his addiction still didn’t slow down his efforts to stop the sale of the Cordilla virus and keep daughter, Kim (Elisha Cuthbert), out of danger.

STORY: ’24: Live Another Day’: What the Critics Are Saying

Jack Executes Ryan Chappelle

Season Three, 6 a.m.-7 a.m.

In one of the most chilling moments of the season, Jack executed his boss, CTU director Ryan Chappelle on the direction of the president to save the world from a deadly biological virus attack.

Jack Plays Russian Roulette In a Prison

Season Three, 5 p.m.-6p.m.

Infiltrating a prison was just the first challenge for Jack, who then had to play Russian roulette with Salazar after a prison guard called Buchanan shot himself in the head. Not knowing whether the gun was loaded or not when it came to his round, Bauer calmly pulled the trigger the first time and had a lucky escape, and on his second go he flipped it around and shot the lead prisoner.

Jack Tortures Paul Raines With a Wire

Season Four

Being his girlfriend Audrey’s ex-husband could have been motivation enough for Bauer to electrocute Paul Raines with a wire, and finding his name on the lease of a building used by terrorists was even more added incentive (however, Paul went on to cooperate with Jack).

STORY: ’24: Live Another Day’ Premiere: Kiefer Sutherland & Co. Talk Returning to Series, 12-Episode Changes

Jack Breaks Into the Chinese Consulate

Season Four, 2 a.m.-3 a.m.

Breaking international law and countless CTU rules, Bauer went rogue and conducted a raid on a Chinese consulate to extract Lee Jong, who he believed knew how to reprogram a nuclear detonator, resulting in a shoot out that inevitably led to Paul Raines’ death.

Jack Knifes an Enemy Soldier in the Neck

Season Four, 7 p.m.-8 p.m.

Bauer got up close and personal when he killed Specter (the leader of a mercenary group played by Christopher B. Duncan) by stabbing him in the neck with a Microtech Halo III knife while he was hiding out in a clothing store.

NBC

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 star Andrew Garfield showed off his many special skills when he joined Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show on Thursday. 

Set to host the upcoming episode of Saturday Night Live, Garfield confessed that he was nervous about going on the show. “I was really dreading it earlier, it’s a nightmare and is deeply, deeply terrifying.”

To battle stage fright, Fallon encouraged the actor to sing and play guitar, knocking out a tuneful rendition of the Spider-Man theme song. “This is the first time I’ve ever sung in public,” he revealed, as Fallon broke out a tambourine to accompany him.

Next, in true superhero style, the pair embarked on a speedy race around the studio on miniature motorbikes, with Fallon on a Green Goblin-colored machine.

Later on the show, 24: Live Another Day star Mary Lynn Rajskub revealed how she recently had to hold her tongue when a cop pulled her over for an expired registration and the officer told her: “My friends call me Jack Bauer!” As for 24, “It is kind of like Spider-Man,” she joked, adding that her character Chloe is in a “very bad way.”

Fallon also revealed some horses that won’t be running in Saturday’s Kentucky Derby airing on NBC, called “Last Place, Conscious Uncoupling and Actually a Camel.” The Roots went on to play some of their favorite Derby-inspired raps based on tweets from fans. 

On CBS, Louis C.K. shows his affection for David Letterman in a unique way: “I’m happy for Stephen Colbert and he’s my friend. But the fact that you are leaving sucks balls.”

On ABC, Jimmy Kimmel mocked controversial Clippers owner Donald Sterling — but had even harsher words for his celebrity “nemesis” Matt Damon. Damon, when pressed during a cable news interview, agreed that he would consider buying a tiny stake in the Clippers should investors invite him to do so.

“I’m not going to stand by and let Matt Damon buy the Clippers. Lets not forget how bad it went when the guy bought a zoo,” Kimmel said, adding Damon was “banned for life” from his show.

VIDEO: Kiefer Sutherland: Daughter’s Acting Made My Dad Cry

Like his fellow late night hosts, Seth Meyers joked about Toronto Mayor Rob Ford going into rehab. “It is the first time someone has said they are going to rehab and rehab has said ‘no, no, no,'” he said, asking if Ford was getting treatment for crack or gravy addiction. 

Late Night also rejoiced in the return of Jack Bauer with guest Kiefer Sutherland, who revealed it took “all of 15 minutes” to persuade him to resume his role.