You really shouldn't experience any of these more than twice a week. Please read sensibly.
CAUSE: 4-6 pints / glasses of wine.
SYMPTOMS: mild nausea, mental and physical slowness.
This garden variety hangover is usually the result of a 'quick one after work' that went on a bit longer than you'd intended, without things actually getting 'silly'. Like the common cold, it's not dehabilitating but it does make performing the simplest of tasks around 30% more difficult and annoying.
CAUSE: excessive consumption in the wrong environment.
SYMPTOMS: paranoia, self-loathing.
A hangover that means the first act of the day is usually chewing your own fist, this usually follows a work party, family do or an encounter with an ex - any situation where you were supposed to meet a higher standard of behaviour than normal. You can't quite remember what it was you said or did that was wrong, but the wrongness of it is nethertheless wedged inside you, rotting you from the inside out.
CAUSE: spirits, particularly vodka.
SYMPTOMS: complete memory loss.
The great paradox of hangovers, a total blackout can be seen as a blessing or a curse. With zero recollection of your night, it could be that you've been spared the memory of lecturing a bouncer about feminism while throwing up in your own shoe. On the other hand it could be that you've spent a fortune having tons of fun and meaningful conversations with your friends that now might as well have never happened. And you'll never know which.
CAUSE: any one drink in excess (particularly Guinness).
SYMPTOMS: headache, vomiting, diarrhea.
If you wake up with a physical it means either your stomach, your head or your bowels are bearing the brunt of your self-abuse. Or all three, which can make trips to the toilet a bit like a game of Russian roulette. Of all the hangovers, this is the only one that can make it literally impossible to leave the house. Not that your boss - or anyone else - will have any sympathy.
