After losing his starting job to Colin Kaepernick, Alex Smith has been very sad. Will the trade that the 49ers have in place make him even sadder?
Image by Jeff Haynes / Reuters
Alex Smith — the #1 pick and 75-game starter for the San Francisco 49ers who was having the best season of his career before sustaining a concussion and being supplanted by post-humanoid Colin Kaepernick — has been traded.
Where has Alex Smith been traded?
We don't know where Alex Smith has been traded. Presumably Alex Smith knows where he has been traded, but I couldn't even guarantee you that. All we know is that apparently the 49ers are telling teams that a deal for Smith is more or less done, but it can't be finalized until March 12, meaning that for the next two weeks we must sit in amazement at this mysterious exchange of humans.
Anyway, barring a failed physical or a change of heart or the arrival of a sudden and unexpected nuclear winter (or a gamma ray burst or a universal quantum jump but maybe this isn't the best place to get into different kinds of possible Extinction Level Events), it looks like Alex Smith will be headed elsewhere. Of course, any professional sports deal must have a dealer and a dealee, and speculation now rests on which team will be obtaining Alex Smith from the 49ers. There are a few candidates. Let's go through them one by one, from least-to-most likely, and because Alex Smith has established himself as a Very Sad Man, I'll rate the trades based on how sad they would make him.
The New York Jets
Image by New York Daily News, Andrew Theodorakis / AP
I don't know if you've heard, but the New York Jets are quarterbacked by an actual lobster. Seriously: there's just a lobster, taking the snap and waddling back on its awkward lobster legs and then trying to throw the ball with its claw, but the claw doesn't really work that well for either holding or throwing a football, and the pass usually ends up either limply falling to the field somewhere adrift of the receiver or landing in the hands of a player on the opposite football team. However, the Jets, in a remarkable display of foresight by previous general manager Mike Tannenbaum, gave this lobster a long-term contract that makes getting rid of the lobster cost-prohibitive. The Jets are likely stuck with this lobster eating up a huge portion of their salary cap, and if they were to put the lobster on the bench and let another player, ideally human, start at quarterback instead, they wouldn't have money to pay it/him, making Alex Smith a little outside of their price range. Plus, the Jets would ideally like to obtain a passer with some potential and room for development, i.e. a rookie; Smith is probably about as good as he'll ever be.
In case there's any confusion: that lobster's name is Mark Sanchez. He is a lobster.
Rating: Three Sadfaces :( :( :(
