What will entertain you without scaring kids or offending grandparents? A time-honored conundrum, solved.
Source: John Gara for BuzzFeed
Kids Only
Rise of the Guardians: This apparently is about imagination. Your black heart is too old for this shit.
Grandparents Only
Hyde Park on Hudson: Just like The King's Speech, but in America (it even includes the same King).
You Only
This Is 40: Grandparents holding out for sequel, This Is 80. Kids assume film is about the afterlife.
Jack Reacher: Could be fun, but you'll probably get in trouble if you take your niece to this.
Killing Them Softly: Has Brad Pitt, but almost certainly has cursing and, well, killing.
Zero Dark Thirty: Pros: Oscar bait. Cons: torture.
Django Unchained: Possibly good, definitely violent.
You & Grandparents
The Guilt Trip: Has both Barbara Streisand and Adam Scott. Kids will be totally bored.
Flight: An all-star cast of adults talking about adult things.
Lincoln: Two-hour-plus runtime means kids will be chewing their own arms off.
You & Kids
Monsters Inc. 3D: You get to enjoy the re-release of a Pixar classic; kids can see it for the first time.
Grandparents & Kids
Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away: Grandma and Grandpa can enjoy taking the kids to the circus without leaving the neighborhood multiplex; you will likely only enjoy if stoned.
Everyone
Life of Pi: Tigers, moving story, no obvious sex. Possibly a win for all of you!
Les Miserables: A filmic recreation of a beloved musical. However, includes prostitutes. This one is borderline.
The Hobbit: Will probably offend only Tolkien purists, and those nauseated by its weird new film speed.
Most of the above should be playing this week at a theater near you.
