A weekly column offering advice, consolation, and life lessons from A Dumb Cat. Send your questions for A Dumb Cat to PrincessCuteyface@buzzfeed.com .
Dear Dumb Cat,
My husband and I have not had, for lack of a better term, "relations," in more than 7 months, because he is always too stressed out from his job to "do the deed." Everything else is fine between us, and he is even very physically affectionate towards me when he gets home from the office (I work at home most days), but as soon as things start to "get physical," he always claims that he is too stressed out and just wants to cuddle so he can "unwind." What can I do to get things back to the way they used to be?
-Frustrated in Fresno
Dear "Frustrated,"
Next time your husband is at work and you are alone in the house, find a corner near the window where the sun shines through into a warm patch on the floor. Lie in that warm patch and sleep (or, if you are unable to sleep, just pretend that you are, like, a throw rug) until the sun goes down. Seriously - stay here for literally the entire day without even moving. When your husband eventually returns from the office, entwine your body around his ankles and make plaintive noises until he feeds you.
Yours,
A Dumb Cat
Dear Dumb Cat,
When our neighbors moved into their house a year ago, my wife and I brought them a welcome basket. Since then, we have invited them to our monthly movie night, had them round for dinner twice, and given their children rides home from school too many times to count. NOT ONCE have any of these favors been acknowledged, let alone reciprocated. Do you think we should confront them about this, or just turn the other cheek?
-Peeved in Peoria
