How to deal when you show up to a party and don't know anyone.
It doesn’t have to be alcoholic if you don’t want (though hey, that helps), but getting something – anything to drink is a good idea. Most crucially, holding a drink gives you something to do with your hands.
When you’re getting yourself a drink at a party, you’re on a mission to complete a task, and it’s easier to talk to people about it or for them to talk to you. Ask where the cups are, or what kind of wine it is. It’s a real ice breaker. Of course, if you’re a good party guest, you’ve brought something yourself, and then you can go about asking where to put it. Is there room in the fridge for your six pack? Should you open the wine? Need more red cups for the keg? Where should you put these cool Ranch Doritos?
Like Amy Poehler says, it’s ok to do an Irish goodbye/French exit (leaving a party or bar without telling anyone). Don’t feel hung up on the idea that you have to say goodbye to every single person you know at the party. When you’re feeling weird – maybe your ex showed up, or maybe someone said something rude that upset you or maybe you’re just feeling weird and want to go. Trust me, no one will exclaim they have “the vapors” and faint because they didn’t get to bid a proper farewell to you.
Get ready to have your mind blown: if you think it's rude to leave without saying goodbye, send the host a text or email the next day saying “sorry I didn’t get to say bye, but thanks for having me!”. You’ll actually seem like the most polite person ever – who sends thank you notes to hosts these days? You just gone from the rude jerk to Emily freakin' Post.
You know when you spot an acquaintance and you wait for them to say “hi” first? This is the cancer. Stop this. This is the thing that will make you most miserable in the world. I know it’s easier not to go up to people, especially if you’re worried they don’t remember you, but you’ll be so much happier if you do.
If it’s someone you’ve only met once and you’re worried they might not remember you, make it easy on both of you by telling them your name and how you met. Just say “hi, we met at Ted’s wiccan divorce ceremony last year, I’m Katie.” Even if they don’t really remember you, now you have something to talk about right off the bat.
Fear and anxiety around whether or not to greet acquaintances can get really poisonous when it metastasizes, and the longer you let it go, the worse it gets. I have a friend who holds several grudges for people who never say “hi”, but she doesn’t seem to get it that it takes two to tango here. Perhaps these other people are sitting around thinking she’s a real jerk for not saying hi to them first.
It’s funny how much the simple act of very briefly say hello to an acquaintance gives off the impression that they’re “nice”. You can be a secret puppy murderer and people will still have a good opinion of you if you can just be a little genial when greeting them.
