Because sometimes there's no other way.
What are the rules for breaking up over the Internet?
Let’s just state for the record something that you know that I know that you know: you don’t ever break up with someone on the Internet if you can help it. Right? We’re on the same page? We’re talking about a star-crossed-lovers-type scenario, in which you’re not just, like, across the street from each other with mean parents but are literally hundreds or thousands of miles apart from each another, such that in-person meetings are impossible. RIGHT?
OK, I’m really glad that’s settled. Otherwise, I’d have to come by your house and kidnap you and tie you to a moldy raft and place you in the shark-iest area of the ocean, and that just raises all sorts of logistical issues that I’d rather avoid. You have to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend online, which I’m sure you feel REALLY BADLY about, so I’m sorry about that. The good news is that the chance you’ll have a drink thrown in your face is next to none, unless there’s been some technological development someone wants to tell me about. The bad news is that there is no good way to do this.
Skype might seem like the most logical next step down from in-person communication, and that’s probably what you should use if you’ve been seeing this person for a significant amount of time (say, over three months or so). Your bf/gf is going to want to hear your voice say these things, and that is fair. It’s going to be really awkward when there are Internet connection issues and when you accidentally talk over each other because there’s a lapse. You will just have to deal with these things as they come. It is, however imperfect, the “best” way to end something that has been at all serious. That said: if you haven’t been dating this person all that long, or if this person has been truly and honestly cruel to you and does not deserve to hear your voice, then you should send an email. Emails, at least, allow you the time and quiet to say everything you need to say. A final note: never in one trillion light-years are you to use Facebook, texting, Twitter, or a public Tumblr post to end your relationship. But you knew that already, didn’t you? Don’t make me open my rafting supply closet.
Sometimes when I’m emailing someone I’ll end up sending a few in quick succession, sort of like chat, because I’ll forget something and decide to just send another email right away. Is this A BIG DEAL, or just kind of slightly annoying?
On a scale of Internet-related abuses ranging from 1-10, I would rate the email instant message a 4. Now, I suppose I should tell you that I don’t rate anything lower than a 4, because I don’t want any of your bad habits to seem like they’re not SO bad that you needn’t stop them immediately. You might be asking, “Then why don’t you just make the scale from 4-10?” Don’t be ridiculous. Who ever heard of a 4-10 scale? I don’t have time for these questions.
You’re being annoying, yes, but it’s not a BIG DEAL. It’s sort of like iPhone users who send series of one- or two-word separate texts to their iPhone-less friends: you seriously need to stop it because otherwise I will never talk to you again, but I’m not THAT mad.
Anyway, this is the sort of thing that happens when we care more about instant communication than we do well-thought-out communication. Before you press “send” on your emails and your text messages, think about whether or not you’ve said everything you wanted to say. Sometimes you’re going to forget something, and that’s ok as long as you keep these addendum messages to a minimum. Be thorough! For example, have you told this person that you love him/her? Write that in. Haha ahhhh wait, take it out, take it out! No. OK. Just send it.
