And they'll tell you all about it via online dating messages. Because nothing gets a young, single, fertile woman hot like mentioning pregnancy on OKCupid.
When the baby-making urge kicks in, lots of people turn to online dating in an effort to date and eventually mate. And that’s great. I say, go for what you want! Make that baby! But selecting someone to make a baby with is slightly more complicated than perusing a few profiles, slipping it in and squeezing it out (at least ones hopes). And just because one is a lady and online does not mean that her ovaries start to quiver every time she gets a message. And for most single women, the prospect of getting pregnant tomorrow by a rando you met online is a potential consequence of sex that is slightly worse than chlamydia but marginally better than herpes.
So while I appreciate straight-forwardness, it is a universally bad move to message a woman in order to inform her that you would like to get her pregnant. Also, if women pulled this shit — messaged complete strangers being like, "We would make such cute babies!" or "Dear sir, I would like you to impregnate me" — she would (rightly) be written off as a crazy bitch.
And yet, my inbox is filled with messages from young ladies who've been approached by men offering up a nice egg-fertilizing sperminization. Some, like this guy on Match.com, don’t quite seem to get how the whole process works:
I want to impregnate you over and over again and then appreciate your intrinsic personality and caring nature.
Maybe he went to a conservative school where the sex ed curriculum was a one-pager that reads KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS and that's why he's missing the basics, but you don’t really impregnate someone “over and over again” in one shot. Although it’s an interesting way of saying, “I want to sex you repeatedly.”
And then there are the guys who drop the p-bomb because they think they’re hilarious (they are not). Like this OK Cupid gentleman:
I’m awesome. You’re awesome. Let’s make awesome babies. woah woah easy there young lady, let’s get to know each other first, pastrami sandwich + beer + me + you, let’s do it
Clever! You could learn a thing or two from this comedian:
I am slowly falling under the impression that you and I would probably make beautiful babies. Here’s the deal though, if it’s a girl you can name her but if it’s a boy I get to name him.
I would also like to complete our family by buying a pet penguin and of course we shall live in a castle with only the finest of stallions! I think that would be awesome.
Just an idea….get back to me and let me know what you think.
Forever yours
