Rumors continue to swirl that the basketball “Rude Boy” and Ri Ri are an item. Proving it's never too early to spin a new relationship into gold records here's some unsolicited ideas Rihanna and her production team may want to throw a beat behind.
"Clang Goes The Dynamite"
A classic club banger much in the same style as "Umbrella" with a more reggae feel. Rihanna details the kind of guy she's looking for; one that isn't afraid to take as many chances as possible even if they only pan out 40% of the time. Also, think of all the words that rhyme with "clang".
"Zhejiang Chouzhou (A Fine Line)"
This one comes with all the usual trappings of any typically semi-racist foray into another country's musical heritage by a popular American based recording star. Not unlike the video for Nicki Minaj's "Your Love", Rihanna dresses in dynastic Chinese gowns while J.R. tries to dunk over a CGI dragon. Stephon Marbury's statue may have some company soon.
"No Ring"
Moving into that awkward celebrity relationship middle ground where the guy tries to seem like he's not getting some on the side despite dating one of the world's most beautiful people, Rihanna may look to the Beyonce school of man wrangling. Songs like "Irreplaceable" and "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" were written in some form or another out of frustration with Jay-Z's possible lascivious ways. The song will ultimately up end another promising Knicks playoff run as J.R. Smith kicks a speaker playing the song during the first round of the playoffs and ends up slicing his foot open.
"Biggest Ass Ever"
Ultimately when the relationship inevitably dissolves, Rihanna will churn her vitriol into a double entendre titled tell off. Any possible shortcomings on J.R.'s end will rise to the not so subtle surface, and Rihanna will finally denounce her youthful forays into the "bad boy" charms.
