We asked the sex experts, so you don’t have to.
Welcome to the new BuzzFeed Sex Q&A where you can ask us your awkward, confusing, gross, embarrassing, or just heavy thought-provoking questions, and we'll provide answers from leading sexual health experts. Have a question about sex or sexual health? Send it to sexQs@buzzfeed.com.
This week's question: What it means when your boyfriend doesn't orgasm during sex.
Q: Hi! I am a cisgender hetero woman dating a great cisgender hetero man. We get along super well and have great sex. But the problem is he can't orgasm during sex. Also can't orgasm during oral. He has no problem getting hard, and he can go forever (which was awesome at the beginning, believe me)... but he just keeps going and going until I decide we're done. Then he'll either finish himself off, or roll over and say he's satisfied and that's that. He's gotten off once during sex, but it took literally two hours and it was awful and not worth it.
He swears he loves sex with me and it doesn't bother him and it shouldn't bother me (again: He can go for hours if I wanted him to). I just don't understand what's going on. He can obviously have orgasms on his own, so it's not some physical thing. I know I shouldn't feel like this is about me... but I can't help but feel like I'm doing something wrong, or that he's not that attracted to me. Or something.
Have you ever heard of this before? I'm so embarrassed, I don't really know what to do, and it's making me feel worse and worse every time we have sex. I'm getting resentful, and that makes me feel awful. Any explanation or advice would be really great and much appreciated.
— Anonymous
Hey Anonymous! Thanks for asking. And definitely no need to feel embarrassed.
To help answer your question, we asked Dr. Harry Fisch, board certified urologist and author of The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grown-Ups, and sex therapist Brandy Engler, Ph.D., author of The Men On My Couch.
Here’s what they had to say:
