Don’t be stupid, Cupid.
A gift card.
If you ever wanted to know how much you're worth to someone, now you *literally* will.
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A gift that's really for them.
"Aw, how sweet, you got me a [thing used to cook/clean/do something for you]!"
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Flowers.
"Happy Valentine's Day!! Here are some flowers that will slowly die over the next few days as a reminder that all things, including this relationship and even your life, will come to an end. We are all slowly but surely accelerating toward our inevitable deaths. THE END IS IMMINENT. Love you!!"
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A gym membership.
Nothing says romance like "hey, go lose some weight."
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