Eight women, from seven different countries, talk about love and relationships.
Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed
Gather a group of young and single foreigners who recently moved to New York City and at one moment or another, you'll hear them talk about how weird the dating scene in the city is. Moving to a new place, anywhere in the world, means adjusting to new dating rules and standards. Different countries approach love and relationships differently, which often makes for bizarre culture shock but also fascinating conversations.
So, we decided to gather eight women who work at BuzzFeed and who live in and come from different countries to discuss cultural differences when it comes to love and relationships. Here they are:
Marie Telling: I'm an associate editor for BuzzFeed France, based in New York. I'm French and I grew up in Bordeaux, in the southwest of the country. I lived in Paris, in Sweden, and in Washington state for a while. I've been living in New York City for two and a half years.
Julia Pugachevsky: I'm a staff writer, live in New York, first-generation American from a Ukrainian family (so I was raised with some conflicting ideas as far as dating traditions go). I am single and only slightly ready to mingle.
Rossalyn Warren: My name is Roz, I'm a news reporter at BuzzFeed UK, I live in London, and I'm from Hertfordshire.
Tasneem Nashrulla: I'm a breaking news reporter for BuzzFeed News. I'm from Mumbai, and I've been living in the U.S. for the past two and a half years.
Juliane Leopold: I'm the founding editor of BuzzFeed Germany. I live in Berlin.
Jenna Guillaume: I'm a senior editor for BuzzFeed in Australia. I've lived in Sydney with my partner for the past six years, but I grew up in a coastal town near Wollongong, about 90 minutes south of Sydney. I've never lived in another country — YET. My other great love is the internet, and I spend too much time obsessing over fictional characters and their relationships.
Conz Preti: I'm the editor for BuzzFeed Español and Brasil, born in Argentina but raised between Colombia and Brazil, moved to New York in my late twenties for grad school and stayed here ever since. I've been seeing someone for some months now.
Julie Gerstein: I am BuzzFeed's style editor. I live in Brooklyn with my boyfriend of three years.
Marie: How do people date? Is it OK to date several people at once? Is there an "exclusivity talk"? I don't know if it's an American thing or if this is just specific to New York, but the dating scene here often feels like an actual market where people try goods (several at once) and decide which one is best fitted to their needs and expectations. Then, they have a very reasonable talk to establish that they're both interested in the other the same way. It's like relationship shopping. Very pragmatic, very American. It feels way more organic and spontaneous in France, but that could also just be an illusion. What do you guys think? Is it the same where you're from?
Julia: I feel like, in NYC specifically, you ALWAYS have to have the talk. You can find, theoretically, someone and get in the groove of things and just start dating naturally, but the talk still always happens — nothing is ever assumed.
Juliane: In Germany, it's similar to France and different from the U.S. You tend to date one person at a time. The talk is done nevertheless but just to know if you should move on or not. But it's definitely not OK to shop around.
Rossalyn: In the U.K., I think that it's fine to date several people at once, provided it's still at the early stages and you're not taking the piss. I think if you're dating someone for more than a few weeks, then maybe some clearer "erm, hey, are we making this a thing?" kinda chat is needed. British people are too awkward to have an "exclusivity talk" — I almost never hear my friends say they've had to have that talk. Having said that, I think British people do eventually try and figure out whether it's exclusive or not, they just don't outright say, "Are we exclusive?" — they just skirt around the issue until enough hints are dropped to be like, "oh, we're a thing."
Conz: In Argentina it depends on how long you've been "going out." If it's been over two months, the assumption from both sides is that there is no one else around and there is no real need for "the talk." In my experience the sort of "oh, we are a couple now" moment was when either introduced the other to people as my BF/GF. I've never had the "so are you seeing someone else, are we exclusive?" chat. Ever.
Julie: I definitely feel like it's a market-style thing in the U.S.
Jenna: In Australia it definitely seems more organic. I feel like people probably go on dates with different people around the same time, but if they like a particular person they don't date anyone else. And "the talk" isn't really something that happens in general, I think it tends to be a mutually understood thing after a certain period of time. This is very generally speaking, of course — some people probably do have the "exclusivity talk." But Australians on the whole aren't that blunt about these sort of things.
