In order of escalating insanity .
Cauliflower Crust "Pizza"
Cauliflower, there's nothing really wrong with you. You're a versatile, respectable vegetable. Honestly, you deserve more credit than you get. But the day you darkened pizza's door was the beginning of a slow, certain descent into madness. This has gotten out of hand, and you — yes, YOU – are to blame.
Polenta Crust "Pizza"
This one probably could have flown under the radar because polenta is nice and never did anyone any harm except for the tofu smothered all over it, which, come on. Insult, injury, etcetera.
Matzoh "Pizza"
If it's Passover, I guess there are worse ways to cope. If it's not, no excuse.
Quinoa Crust "Pizza"
There are plenty of acceptable venues for quinoa, but this ain't one of them.
