Go to your room, February.
February: The Month of Being Miserably Cold and Alone
Seriously, February is the absolute worst. It is a freezing, bleak, no good, very bad bitch of a month. Also, it has Valentine's Day placed squarely in the middle of it, making lonely people feel lonelier and people in relationships scramble to prove their love. Gross. February's only saving grace is that mercifully it only has 28 days, but even that is 28 too many.
The upside: It is Black History Month and has President's Day, both of which wish they were celebrated in other months.
NBC / Via lawschoolproblems.tumblr.com
January: The Month of Lost Dreams
Oh, January, ye of false hope. For centuries, humans have looked to you to as a source of renewal. And yet this month inevitably is a perpetual reminder of man's imperfection: the inability to make it to the gym beyond the one time you go on Jan. 2. With the holidays over, January brings little revelry and ushers you into the doldrums of winter. So screw that shit, you know what I'm saying?
The upside: The first week is a wash in terms of getting any work done, so you can slack.
August: The Month Where You Sweat Through Everything
Did you know August is Latin for "too gawdamn hot"? Ugh, just thinking about August makes me crave a Slurpee, which would probably melt in a minute since it would be BLAZING outside. August is also the month that most people go back to school, which is justification enough to hate it for all eternity.
The upside: You see a lot of movies in August just to escape the heat, so there's that.
Adult Swim / Via imgur.com
April: The Month That Thinks It's Spring
April is but a mere tease. With all those "showers" — you call yourself a spring month? You think you're soooo important because you can let everyone run around in shorts and flip-flops one day, but then sentence them to galoshes the next? Worst of all, this month of meteorological ambivalence begins with the worst "holiday" of them all: April Fools' Day. And then there's tax day. I mean, seriously?
The upside: Passover, anyone? Easter? Or there's April 29: National Shrimp Scampi Day.
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