"I'm like, 'What more information do you need other than the fact that I'm dying?' " the 'Daily Show' host said about being asked to fill out paperwork.
Trevor Noah has a lot to say about his first stint in a U.S. hospital following his emergency appendectomy.
The Daily Show host, who skipped Wednesday's episode to recover from the surgery, returned to the Comedy Central series Thursday, where he joked that there is no better way to learn about his new home country than "by enjoying America's health care system."
He explained that he went to the emergency room due to his perforated appendix, adding: "I don't know if 'emergency room' is the right term because they make you wait."
"I feel like there should be two rooms — a room for people with emergencies, and a room for people who can fill out forms," he said.
Noah pointed out that he was expected to fill out paperwork despite the fact that he was clearly in pain and having trouble staying conscious.
"I'm like, 'What more information do you need other than the fact that I'm dying?' " the host said about his response to the medical staff.
He said he started to faint but was told he couldn't do so in the waiting room. "[The nurse was] like, 'Sir, you can't faint here, sir. You need to go to triage.' [I'm like,] 'Are you telling me where I can and cannot faint?' "
"It's a crazy experience," he continued, explaining that he had been moved into a room when the nurse returned with still more forms.
"She was like, 'I don't know — how are you paying for this?' " Noah said. "I was like, "Well, with my life, clearly. Because you're not helping me.' "
He said the nurse asked him whether he could afford to pay out of pocket — and then she suddenly remembered whom she was talking to. "She goes, 'You know, I've seen the billboards — you're fine. You can pay for this,' " Noah said.
He thanked fans for their support, along with thanking Comedy Central "for giving me one day off after surgery."
He then added that he was kidding about chiding the network, as he explained that he begged to return to the show Wednesday but was encouraged to at least take one day off. He also said that some fans inexplicably criticized Comedy Central with racially fueled complaints.
"The best message [from a fan] I got was someone said, 'Is it Comedy Central or the cotton fields?' " Noah said.
We will add video when it is available.