This is what happens when you hit seven chain restaurant bars in one day in search of the grossest cocktail.
THE SCENE:
Joanna: Rolling into Olive Garden at 11:30 a.m. makes you question all your life choices.
Alexis: How does it feel to be one of the four people present at an Olive Garden at 11:30 in the morning? Great! I felt very personally attended to. It kind of reminded me of a hotel lobby for some reason — maybe all of the iron fixtures and ~cool lamps.~ No complaints. I’m a hotel lobby kind of lady.
THE DRINK: Long Island Limoncello
Suggested alternative name: Joy Ultra Dishwashing Liquid
Joanna:
• The flavor reminded me of the hard lemon candies my great grandmother kept in a glass jar in her kitchen mixed with notes of dish soap.
• Soap flavor sounds like a bad thing, but it matches well with the murky brown color and gives you the opportunity to imagine that you're drinking bathwater.
Alexis:
• Hard alcohol taste. That limoncello is doing the Lord’s work.
• Looks a bit grimy.
• Tastes kind of soapy toward the bottom or my tongue is dying.
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THE SCENE:
Joanna: Outback Steakhouse is definitely the kind of place where you can peer through the shadows, looking for a handsome stranger.
Alexis: I really can’t overemphasize how great the lighting was at this bar. The shadow! The highlights! It was like being in a swanky club that no one else wanted to go to but still felt really cool despite struggling to make rent. Also no one looked super happy to be there, so +1 to the swanky club thing.
THE DRINK: Huckleberry Hooch Moonshine Cocktail
Suggested alternative name: Sugar Fun Candy Time
Joanna:
• Stop! Sugar time!
• You know it's real moonshine because it was served in a jar.
• Tastes like a liquid Jolly Rancher, which was somehow a positive.
Alexis:
• Does this have alcohol in it?
• Very sweet. My tongue is coated in sugar.
• This cocktail gets me. It’s like, “I know you don’t want to have to taste your decisions, so I’m going to smother them in berry flavor.”
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