Monday night became the opportune moment for late-night hosts to jab at Sunday's Oscars telecast.
"All I could think of all day yesterday while watching these shows was, 'Boy, do I miss football,'" said Jimmy Kimmel of the red-carpet coverage. "I don't want to say the Oscars ran long but the kid from Boyhood just moved into a senior living facility. ... It also helped that Bradley Cooper was in the balcony with a rifle in case any of the speeches went too long."
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Also noted on Jimmy Kimmel Live!: The big winners of the night were "Birdman and degenerative diseases" and that the only surprise of the night "was that Lady Gaga wore a regular dress." And his monologue also included an embarrassing reel of newscasters mispronouncing Birdman helmer Alejandro G. Inarritu's last name.
Jimmy Fallon kicked off his monologue by highlighting Neil Patrick Harris' flat locked-box of predictions joke and John Travolta's touchy moments with Scarlett Johansson and Idina Menzel, and said Boyhood didn't sweep because "I guess voters felt like if they wanted to see people age twelve years, they could watch last night's Oscars." Plus, the reason why J.K. Simmons told everyone to call, not text, their parents is because when he texts his parents, it reads, "I love you, Mom and Dad. J.K."
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The Tonight Show host added that other awards were given out after the telecast ended: Michael Keaton won the honor for "outstanding performance in going through 10 packs of Juicy Fruit" while Harris, in his undies, won "best performance by a tube sock."
"A lot of political moments at the Oscars last night," said Conan O'Brien. "Winners at the Oscars drew attention to racial injustice, equal pay for women, and immigration reform. Unfortunately, they were each played off with the song, 'Everything Is Awesome.'" And "during her acceptance speech last night, Patricia Arquette did call for equal pay for women; then Oprah stood up and said, 'She's right! I can't live like this! I can't take another second of this living hell!'"
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Plus, O'Brien noted that Interstellar won its best visual editing Oscar because "they actually made it look like Matthew McConaughey understood physics," and called out Donald Trump's comments on Mexican immigrants. His Conan monologue closed with a reel of extremely sexist red-carpet questions that include "Who's watching your kids?" and "Can I borrow some breast milk?"
And on Late Show, David Letterman introduced his Oscars-related top-ten list of things heard backstage by candidly noting, "I think the Academy is made up of old drunks. I don't think they go to the movies, I think they stay at home and drink their cheap booze." He then gave an impression with groans and mumbles, and closed, "That's just what I think."
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