Please stand behind the yellow line, or you may be sucked off. LOL, sucked off.
1. Move down the carriage.
2. If people aren't moving down the carriage, shout, "Please can you move down the carriage."
3. If people still don't move down, do nothing, but imagine the ways you'd make them suffer if you weren't scared of conflict.
4. Give up your seat if a pregnant woman is standing.
5. Give up your seat if an elderly person is standing.
6. Give up your seat if someone who appears to have a massive hangover and looks like they could use an act of human kindness is standing.
7. If you're the kind of person who falls asleep easily, try to lean your head on the glass.
8. If someone falls asleep on your shoulder, look awkward and don't say anything.
9. If someone falls asleep on the shoulder of the person opposite you, smile gently as if to say, "That must be annoying, people, eh?"
10. Under no circumstances should you eat on the tube before 11pm.
Via imgur.com
11. Always allow people to get off the train before you try to get on.
12. If someone tries to get on the train before you're able to get off it, give them a firm shove with your shoulder.
13. Make sure you have money on your Oyster before you go through the barrier in case you get stuck, holding up everyone behind you.
14. If the front seat of the DLR is available you MUST sit in it and pretend you're the driver.
15. If there is a dog on the tube you have to stroke it.
16. If you grab the handrail and accidentally touch someone's hand, quickly move it away and pretend nothing happened.
17. When you fall in love on the tube you must sit there saying nothing until it's too late, and you must then berate yourself all day long.
18. If other people can hear your music through your headphones, your music is too loud.
19. Always keep your feet off the seats.
20. Unless you're hungover and there's no one around.
21. If you arrive on the platform and there's more than four minutes until the next train you're allowed to cry.
