You love them and want to help, but it’s hard to know how to do that. Here are some tips from people who’ve lived with depression.
DO: Listen.
But reeeeeally listen. As in: Process what they're saying without thinking about how you'll respond. Listen because they need someone to hear them.
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DON'T: Tell them what they're doing wrong, or how to fix it.
Your instinct might be to offer solutions, which makes sense — you're trying to help. But even though that impulse comes from the best place, any evaluation of your friend's situation can sound off the mark at best and judgmental at worst. It could also add unnecessary pressure or responsibility on a person who's probably already feeling pretty overwhelmed.
DO: Offer your no-strings-attached company, and a break from pretending to be happy.
Sometimes it's really enough to just be present — at their place or yours, with no expectations to do anything other than not-be-alone, together. If they need a shoulder to cry on, or a hand to squeeze, offer yours.
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DON'T: Take their depression personally.
It can be really tough to devote time to someone who might seem like they don't even want it, but the best thing you can do is understand that this low is not about you — and, in fact, the person struggling through it probably needs you more than ever.
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