It takes between 34 and 100 milliseconds to make a first impression. Here’s how to make it a good one!
First things first: Remember that most people you're about to meet are just as uncomfortable as you are.
Tons of people self-identify as shy — in fact, the numbers of shy people have grown in the past 20 years (58% in 2007, up from 40% in 1995). "According to the shyness research, most of us feel uncomfortable walking into a room where we don't know many people," Susan RoAne, keynote speaker and author of How to Work a Room: The Ultimate Guide to Making Lasting Connections—In Person and Online (William Morrow, 2013), told BuzzFeed Life.
Bottom line: You're definitely not the only one dreading this cocktail party, and that should hopefully help take the edge off. And with that in mind...
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Shift your attitude before you walk into the room to focus on others and not on yourself.
"A lot of the time we go into a social situation thinking, How can I make myself more comfortable?" RoAne says. "Your attitude shift should be, What can I do to make other people comfortable around me?" See that first tip again for a reminder about why this attitude adjustment matters. Bonus points: "The person you're talking to will become more comfortable," RoAne says, "which makes you more comfortable!"
Smile!
People make snap judgments about whether or not you're a "trustworthy" person after only 34 milliseconds of looking at your face, according to research from Princeton University. And further research found that your facial expressions can influence those judgments.
Simply put: "People judge smiling faces as trustworthy, and angry-looking faces as untrustworthy," Peter Mende-Siedlecki, Ph.D., a postdoctoral researcher in the psychology department at NYU, told BuzzFeed Life. Mende-Siedlecki is also one of the co-creators of a TED lesson called "Should You Trust Your First Impression?"
Before you go somewhere new, know what you're getting yourself into.
Before you go do something where you know you'll meet new people — whether that's a job interview or your partner's office holiday party — do your research. "Figure out who's going to be there, what the theme of the event will be," RoAne said. "That helps you customize your approach, dress for the occasion, and prepare for potential conversation starters."
Mende-Siedlecki agrees: "It's a matter of knowing the context that you're walking into, and knowing the norms for the environment." Mental preparation can put you on the right wavelength before you even walk in the door — and will minimize how much spur-of-the-moment thinking you have to do. And dressing as formally or informally as other people are will make you feel more comfortable and less self-conscious. This allows you to focus more on the conversations you're having, rather than wonder if people are judging you for wearing a T-shirt to a formal event.
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