There will be blood, beer, and vomit. And also music, I guess.
AP Photo/Stacy Thacker
1. You will wake up on Day One, before it all begins, fueled and energized by the hope and promise of an alcohol-fueled musical experience that will most likely definitely change your life.
2. You will arrive at the festival with all of your hopes and dreams, where you will wait to get your bag checked by security for approximately one to seven hours.
3. Before you make it to the entrance, a woman who's had too much to drink will pass out cold directly in front of you. It will be 12:30 in the afternoon.
4. A man at security will take away your spray sunblock, your half-full bottle of water, and any hope you may have had of survival. You will scream. Your screams will not be heard.
5. You will enter the festival and hear the vague beat of "Shots" playing constantly in the distance, urging your body and mind further into oblivion.
6. You will pass approximately 20 people wearing the exact same outfit as you. You will glare at them. They will not be your friends. They will never be your friends.
7. You will see enough neon clothing to fuel a warehouse-sized crate of glow sticks.
8. You will see girls whose high-waisted denim shorts are pulled so high above their belly buttons, they've exposed the entirety of what only can be described as their aggressive butt cleavage.
9. You will see approximately 200 men with nipple rings and get absolutely no explanation for any of them.
10. You will see girls wearing any combination of the following items: a neon tank top, high-waisted denim shorts, Converse sneakers, an entire mall display of rings and bracelets, and sandals made from two twigs found on the ground.
11. You will see boys wearing any combination of the following items: a neon tank top, cargo shorts, a jersey from a team they've never heard of, sandals with socks, socks pulled up to the knee, nothing but a necklace.
