When looking good turns into a downward spiral of pain and sorrow.
Joanna Borns/BuzzFeed
Savor this moment: The moment you first put on the heels. When your feet still feel like feet and nothing hurts. You look amazing. Why don't you wear heels more often? Most heels are uncomfortable, but not THESE. This pair is SO comfortable. They're not going to hurt AT ALL.
Quietly, a voice from within whispers, "Eventually, you will feel pain. You know you will." You must silence this voice, for it is the voice of reason.
"Shut up! Can't you see how fancy I look?"
"Maybe at least bring some flats along in your bag?"
"LEAVE ME ALONE, I WANT TO LOOK SO FANCY!"
Cherish this time before your life descends into a swirling pit of pain and psychological torture.
Via barneys.com
You start to wonder why you can't walk at your normal brisk pace. Oh, right, these weird, tall shoes. That's OK. Exchanging ease of movement for breathtaking foot glamour is a fair trade. Wow, how long do you have to wear these again? For several more hours? That's fine. THAT'S TOTALLY FINE.
But what is that feeling in your feet? It's definitely not discomfort because you've only been wearing the shoes for 20 minutes. Your feet have definitely not started to hurt ALREADY. Don't worry, you have a deep inner strength that will allow you to ignore this pain-like feeling. But it's not pain.
YOU'VE NEVER FELT BETTER IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
Via barneys.com
Ding dong! Who's at the door? Oh, it's excruciating pain! Come on in. Hey, everybody, the pain is here. The pain is real. Look at the time! It's pain o'clock. It's time to do that thing where you stand discreetly on one leg to try to give at least one foot a break from the white-hot sting of standing. You think of Usher and just let it burn. Gotta let it burn.
Maybe it's time to sit down. Forever. Why can't we all just have a fun and entertaining night of sitting down? Chairs are truly underrated.
"I love you, chair. You're my best friend."
