Who’s DDing tonight?
First of all: WHERE EVEN AM I?
What is this tropical wonderland of joy? Why is it so spacious? Why is no one mad at me for existing?
Why can't I find a bagel place that's not a chain restaurant?
And why aren't you putting the cream cheese on for me? What do I look like, a cream cheese CHUMP?
How am I going to get home from after-work drinks?
Seriously, does this rental car have autopilot?
How in god's green earth is this a "deep dish pizza"?
Am I supposed to eat it or use it to soak up my tears?
