“Man, if I was just a little bit taller…”
DISCLAIMER: This is for the fans who sit on the couch forever frustrated by their own physical limitations and say "I could have hit that shot" after someone misses a contested 35 foot three-pointer. This is for everyone who complains about boneheaded turnovers and air balls and irrationally hate players who don't pass the eye test. We are not completely delusional. We know they're ACTUALLY better than us, but...
Kendrick Perkins
Why you're better than him: Have you ever actually seen Perkins play? The guy can't shoot a basketball. Let me rephrase that — he can't perform the basic function of a basketball player. Perkins is 28 years old and runs the floor like a spry 60-year-old woman. You can run circles around him. You know it. I know it. He knows it.
Landry Fields
Why you're better than him: The only time Landry Fields was a respectable NBA player is when Mike D'Antoni was his coach — and in all fairness, a blind iguana could score twelve points a game in that system.
Kris Humphries
Why you're better than him: Most middle school teams are more mentally tough than Kris Humphries. Plus it doesn't matter how tall you are, there is a 100 percent guarantee you can reject him — everyone does.
