Why Your Hockey Team Won’t Win The Stanley Cup

Because they SUCK! 29 teams disemboweled, in alphabetical order.

Via Blame Labor Relations Lawyer/Commissioner Gary Bettmann

He is the main reason why your team will not win the Stanley Cup. He hates the game of hockey, and loves the owner of your favorite hockey team. He is why your team doesn't have a second line that can score. He is the reason why your team is locking up mediocre players to long-term lucrative contracts. He is the reason why the game SUCKS COLD BALLS right now.

Anyway...

on to the absolute worst NHL season preview ever committed to an Internet page.

Anaheim Ducks

Anaheim Ducks

Coach Bruce Boudreau.

Reason #1: Coach Bruce Boudreau. He's proven with the Washington Capitals that he can take the most talented team in hockey and turn them into dogshit in the playoffs. So what makes you think he can take an above average team like the Ducks and even win one playoff series?

Reason $2: They have two #1 goalies in Jonas Hiller and Viktor Fasth. Which actually means they have ZERO #1 goalies. If you're a Ducks fan, root for one of them to get hurt because come playoff time, the starter will always be looking over his shoulder.

Reason #3: Not enough goal scorers.

Reason why they might win one playoff series: The grit of Saku Koivu. He is my favorite player in the league, and I burn with hatred at my Canadiens for letting him go.


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