Take the money you saved by making a homemade cake and put it in a therapy fund for your kid, who will be needing it in a big way for many, many years to come.
Spider-Man, hunched into a fetal position, being birthed from a garbage bag. Suddenly not so "Amazing."
Bob the Builder sacrificed himself so that you could have a happy birthday.
Make your kid feel old without even mentioning that the average age of the Backstreet Boys is 38.
Instructions: smear a mish-mash of frosting over cake to communicate loud and clear "I don't give a shit about you or your damn birthday."
