Local Yellow Journalism at its best.
Via i.imgur.com
The Argus is a 133-year old newspaper based in Brighton and Hove in East Sussex, England.
According to Wikipedia, the paper is a bit of trouble with a near-20% drop in circulation in 2012.
This tabloid needs to stay solvent, so that their headline writers can keep churning out these stop-you-in-your-tracks gems.