Stop trying to make fetch happen and try these instead.
Definition: A messed up situation
How to use it: "The VMAs were a total balls-up."
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Definition: Drinking heavily; going out for the purpose of drinking heavily
How to use it: "LiLo admitted she went on the piss pre-rehab."
Definition: Being a loud mouth and/or offensive
How to use it: "Bill Maher can be kind of gobby."
Definition: Penis
How to use it: "Did you see Alexander Skarsgard's todger on True Blood?!"