Tell them once and they’ll make you tell them 10,000 times.
Interrupting Cow
Source: youtube.com
The Lady On The Train
My favorite as a kid, and my kids' favorite:
Lady sits down on a train. Man sitting next to her turns to her and says, "Lady, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen. That baby looks in a mirror, it's going to shatter. You oughta put a bag on that baby's head. That baby is just ugly."
The woman, horrified, stands up and shouts for the conductor. "Conductor, this man has insulted me."
"I'm so sorry ma'am," the conductor replies. "What he did is totally unacceptable on this train. I will deal with him later, but for now, please come with me. We'll give you a nice seat in the first class carriage — and a banana for your monkey."
A classic dating at least to the 1950s, the extended Flip Wilson version above is the earliest on the internet. You can of course update it to an airplane, to Facebook, or to some other setting. It's very important that you not call it the "ugly baby" joke and you not mention the baby/monkey in the first sentence or in the woman's complaint to the conductor.
Source: youtube.com
Why Do Ducks Have Flat Feet?
To stamp out forest fires.
Via: Shutterstock
