Captain Crunch is America’s hardest working seaman. It’s an injustice that he hasn’t been promoted once in the 50 years he’s been in service.
Captain Horatio Megellan Crunch has been with us since 1963. That's also, presumably, when he was promoted to the rank of captain.
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That means he's been a captain for 50 years.
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That means he's served as a captain throughout the Cold War, the Vietnam War, the Gulf War, the Iraq War, the War on Terror, and countless other conflicts throughout the last few decades.
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In addition to his military accolades, he's also responsible for various cereals. Such as Crunch Berries...
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