In which I review this 1985 feature and try not to lose it. Oh, and SPOILERS AHEAD.
The question posed on The Care Bears Movie poster — "What happens when the world stops caring?" — is one I already know the answer to: the KFC Double Down, Teen Mom, unruly pubic hair. But okay, for the benefit of this experiment I'll put my worldly knowledge aside and go into this hour-and-a-half cartoon adventure playing dumb.
The Care Bears, for those unfamiliar with the finer points of '80s popular culture, are an animated group of bears appearing in TV, movies, and as toys. Their primary mission? To care. So far, this isn't tough stuff.
In The Care Bears Movie, we open with Mr. and Mrs. Cherrywood, owners of an orphanage filled with many multicultural youngsters. The children beg Mr. Cherrywood (voiced by Mickey Rooney) for a story, which is where our journey begins...
Meet Kim and Jason, two orphans who "had been so hurt when their parents went away that they had decided to never love anyone again." Basically this is a Julia Roberts movie.
Apathetic kids that they are, Kim and Jason reluctantly travel to Care-A-Lot, the place in the cloud where the Care Bears live. It has since been redeveloped by Apple and is now the place where your documents live. But had you traveled there in the '80s, you would have seen this: the Rainbow Rescue Beam. Otherwise known as one of those head-scratcher things you buy in the mall.
Time for a musical interlude. By now, I'm just having a hard time staying awake and I know the reason for this is definitely not the lunch of stale vegan cookies I ate an hour prior.
