How the coolest girl in the world taught me, and an entire community, to cope with her death. And how to live.
Image by Summer Anne Burton
“Esme Barrera was” doesn’t feel like the right beginning. Esme Barrera is the biggest heart in the tiniest body. She is the kindest and most generous person I’ve ever known. When people who didn’t get the chance to know Esme started telling me they were sorry for my loss, I wanted to say, “I’m sorry for yours.” Getting to know her at all is one of the best things that ever happened to me, even more so than losing her was the worst.
Esme was – is, always – 29 years old. She was born in El Paso, Texas to a tight-knit family that she spoke about often and always with love. She moved to Austin in 2004 and immediately became an integral part of the local music community. You could find Esme in the front row of every good show, her tiny body rocking with fists up. If she knew you, she'd yell "Duuuuude!" hug you tight, and point out all the cute boys in the room. If she didn't know you, she'd be more than happy to make your acquaintance and find out what your favorite songs were.
Esme worked part-time at the best record store in Texas, Waterloo Records, starting in 2006. She was the consummate record-store gal — perfect, personal, cool but with unaffected taste in music and was always super stoked to share her latest favorite album, band, or song with the closest person who would listen.
She also worked at Casis Elementary as a teaching aide and tutor for kids with special needs. Her job was undoubtedly difficult at times, but you wouldn't have known that. She talked about her kids with a giant smile on her face. In the summer, she volunteered at Girls Rock Camp, a non-profit organization that helps girls learn to play instruments and celebrate their own rad-ness. Esme was the best fan and cheerleader ever, a virtual encouragement machine when it came to those girls and, really, everything.
Esme was going to school to get her teaching certificate and in between working two jobs, she studied like crazy. That was actually when I got to see her the most, because she liked to study at the coffee shop across from Waterloo where I worked for a couple years. She had a drink – a large soy chai with a shot of espresso – and I usually gave it to her on the house in exchange for listening to me talk about all my crushes, and vice versa. Then she’d bury herself in her reading at the corner table, wearing her signature red headphones, until it was time for her to go out and see a band. She always invited me to come do whatever she was doing with her. She was the kind of person that always wanted everyone to come along and have a good time.
If Esme sounds too good to be true, then maybe I'm beginning to do her justice.
