It's cold, it's early, and you need coffee: these are the jerks standing in your way.
The Chatty Senior
We love our grandparents, because they're family, but getting locked into conversation with a senior citizen stranger is less than ideal. Bless their hearts — old people are chatty. And while that's a minor inconvenience on a park bench, it's an actual tragedy when they're chatting up the barista about how much coffee used to cost, and why we should blame Obama.
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The Friendly Regular
When you go to the same coffee place every day, you'll see the other regulars. It's kind of like being on Friends, but no one has any quippy one-liners and camera-ready comebacks. The problem with regulars is that they often have little regard for anyone else in the place: they'll catch the barista up on all the latest gossip while 10 people are still waiting to make their orders.
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The Stressed Parent
Hey, kids: I know life is tough, but chill out while Mommy or Daddy gets some coffee. Remember that caffeine is the only way they can make it through the day without passing out on their feet. Alas, children don't really care that it's nearly impossible to juggle a coffee order with a screaming child, and they will make the entire experience as arduous as possible for all involved.
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The High-Maintenance Customer
Are you writing this all down? Yes, there are an infinite number of combinations when you order your coffee, and yes, nonfat milk is better for you than whole. But if your coffee order takes longer than five seconds, you're probably a terrible person. You're stressing out the barista, and worse, you're holding up the line. Simplify your life — and simplify your order in the process.
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