Enough is enough is Enough (is a bad Jennifer Lopez movie). Why do we put ourselves through all this pointless frustration?!?
This guy was fine until fantasy football drove him to stab pins into his face.
Image by Ben Margot / AP
It's that time of year. Days are shorter. Winter is beginning to set in. You're ready to quit fantasy football forever, and you really mean it this time. Each and every November, millions of fantasy football players begin to feel their seasons (and their preseason buy-ins) slip away. Sundays cease to be days of rest and become days of furious anger and desperate howls to god (or Peyton Manning) to just help you win this damn stupid game. It's not worth it. It's time we band together and just quit. Here are some of the many reasons why.
Trading Doug Martin Only To Watch Him Turn Into Doug "HOLY HELL, WATCH HIM GO" Martin
This has happened to all of us. You trade a promising young guy who has yet to have a truly transcendent game. Then BOOM. Young guy explodes in an orgy of fantasy points. This year's case study: Doug Martin.
In one of my fantasy leagues I traded the Tampa Bay rookie for LeSean McCoy. The trade seemed like a no-brainer. Sure, Martin had upside, but he'd yet to show himself as a definitive number-one running back. Meanwhile, McCoy is a feature back. You know what happend next. Doug Martin turned in a 251-yard game with four touchdowns. That's good for 51 points in a standard fantasy football league. It's also good for a sore hand from punching a wall.
Image by Marcio Jose Sanchez / AP
Getting Beat By A Defense
Defenses in fantasy football are usually talked about as a joke. Anyone who picks one too high in your draft is laughed out of the room and mocked for months. But then there comes that fateful night when you're winning your matchup by 14 points and all your opponent has left to play is his defense. You feel pretty good about it, only to watch the Bears put up 350 points on 17 interception returns for touchdowns. And then you have to have a conversation with your foreign-born neighbors who want to know why you're screaming, and then you have to explain the idea of fantasy football to them and it sounds so stupid when you say it out loud and they act sympathetic but you know they're just filing it away as a reason they made a mistake in emigrating to this fast-declining country. They should have just moved to Shanghai like their uncle said.
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