Seriously, has this ever happened to you?
How do you tell somebody in a public place that they can't borrow your phone (cause you're afraid they'll steal it, duh, but you can't SAY that)?
Oh god, what if people started explaining their motivations for each and every use of technology and social media? “You can’t use this because I think you might steal it.” “I’m texting you ‘what are you up to’ because I want you to express romantic interest in me.” On the engagement-related Facebook status of the person you hated in high school: “Your perceived social advancement ahead of my own makes me uneasy, depressed, and furious, and the only thing that will help is if your wedding photos are as tacky as I expect them to be.” This column would cease to exist, but also everyone would be dead.
You have every right to deny the use of your personal belongings to strangers in public places, and here is how you say no if that is what you would like to say: “I’m sorry, I’m just about to make a work call,” and then keep walking while proceeding to make a call, real or fake. This is one of those instances in which having a white lie excuse just makes the experience better for everyone involved, like turning down an invite to a party you don’t want to go to. (“Will you come celebrate my birthday?” “Uh, no.” “Any reason?” “No.” Baaaad.)
Here, though, is something to consider: maybe let a stranger use your phone when s/he is visibly distraught (i.e. crying, bleeding, and/or shaking). Nobody can promise this will always work out in your favor, but I think it’s important to try to be helpful, especially when your help is apparently needed. Take care of your own safety, and be cautious, but sometimes, in extenuating circumstances, just think about letting the phone go.
Is there a limit on unanswered texts sent in a row? Is it bad if I send several unanswered texts over, say, three or four days?
What if I told you there was a limit, and it was 19? What if I said you could send up to 19 messages to someone, without a single response from him or her, and that after that, if your phone still doesn’t vibrate in return, you have to stop? You would text this person 19 times in a row, wouldn’t you? Maybe it would be over two weeks, or even a month, but I think you would still do it, because you sound like someone who is missing a pregenual anterior cingulate cortex. (I Googled “part of brain that determines shame” and found this. Science!)
Let me take this question maybe too seriously for a second: It is creepy to ask how long and how intensively you can one-sidedly interact with a person who is uninterested in interacting with you. I don’t necessarily think you’re there yet, but it’s a skip and a jump — or about three text messages.
This depends on the person and the context, of course. If we’re talking about your best friend or your girlfriend or your mom, and nothing major has gone wrong, there is no limit, really, but you should probably try another approach after three in case someone is trapped or just really pissed off. If we’re talking about a woman or a guy you met briefly at a bar, you get ONE unanswered message before you must move on. If it’s someone you’ve had two dates with, you get two unanswered messages. These numbers are only a guideline, because I know almost everyone means well. But the most important thing to remember is this: people who really do want to talk to you WILL.
