As America's most popular sort gets ready to kick off, America's most popular play-pretend sport is gearing up itself. Every league has these types. Which are you?
The Beane
The Beane is named for Oakland A's GM Billy (though that picture is of the much more attractive Brad Pitt, who played him in the movie Moneyball, based on the Michael Lewis book. Yeah, dude's a star.). This player wheels and deals. You'll get multiple versions of the same trade offer every week. If you're not paying attention to the waiver wire, you're going to lose out to the Beane every single time. Crafty and smart and just arrogant enough to drive you crazy, the Beane is one of the most frequent fantasy champions. Not to be trifled with.
Source: filmofilia.com
The Push-Over
Every league has one, and everyone falls over each other trying to screw him out of his best players before everyone else does. Get him drunk and tell him how the Texans are really worried about Arian Foster's torn Labrum Made-upus. He'll be trading you Foster for a high school football coordinator in no time. If your league's commissioner is the Push-Over, you're in trouble. Without a leader who has the courage of his convictions, your league will devolve into message board squabbles and epic email chains where epithets are hurled like Tim Tebow passes, which is to say recklessly and with a holy fervor.
The Dictator
Every good fantasy commissioner is the Dictator. He knows what he wants the league to look like, and your job is to facilitate that vision. Want PPR (Points Per Reception)? Too fucking bad. Disagree with a trade? None of your fucking business. The only danger is when the Dictator commish takes his or her power too far. A few years ago my league featured a calamitous deal where the commish picked up Vincent Jackson (he had held out that year, leaving him on the waiver wire a few weeks into the season) and immediately traded him for Adrian Peterson with a player who wasn't paying attention. I had to take a Silkwood shower after the ensuing email disaster.
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The "Who?"
The "Who?" prides him or herself on using the later rounds to take players you've never heard of. Did a guy just make the team because he wowed on the practice squad? The "Who?" is going to take that guy and tell you how great he was at Yale and that if he had gone anywhere else he'd have been a first round pick. 98% of the time, The "Who?" drops half of his players before the first game. Sleepers are only fun until you have to actually put together a lineup.
Source: images.wikia.com
