When you're dating online, a little judgment is necessary. But if you judge, you'll be judged for it.
When considering the characteristics one wants in a life partner, “judgmental” does not top anyone’s list. Judgey people, as a general rule, are no fun. At the same time, God gave us critical thinking skills for a reason – and while sniffing out every single fault isn’t a very good trait, some level of discernment is crucial in getting through life, and in selecting a mate (or just a date). Internet Dating Land is especially fraught when it comes to the necessity of using superficial characteristics to determine potential compatibility.
You can’t message everyone OkCupid; you have to make some choices about who to respond to, and who to reach out to. That requires committing the great sin of Judging. If you’re a dyed-in-the-wool liberal and you get a message from LuvsAtlasShrugs79, it might be judgmental to write her off as a selfish Randian, but it’s also an efficient way to keep you from wasting an evening. If you hate cats and a dude who contacts you is wearing one as a scarf, Bon-Iver-style, it makes sense not to message back (although feel free to send him my way).
But not everyone who internet dates agrees that judgment is a necessary part of the process. (Aside: so do they date everyone that sends them a message?) Some folks are very upset that you may be judging them (to which I say, HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME FOR BEING JUDGMENTAL?!). Like this OKCupid user, for example, who doesn’t think you should judge him for what he looks like or for what he’s done with his life:
It's sad that people judge others on the way they look, or what they have accomplished in life thus far. I believe a person should look past all of that, and see what that person COULD do. That person that you just stuck you're nose up at, could be the greatest political leader the world will never see, because (s)he didn't get that push from someone. There's not a person in the world that cannot accomplish greatness. It's all a matter of did they have someone there to push them through the hard times. To comfort them when they didn't think they were strong. I think that if everyone did one kind thing for a stranger once a week, this world would be a lot better. Keep in mind that this is just my Philosophy. I am not telling anybody their wrong. This is just my thought process.
Those are all very nice thoughts, but this is internet dating. And “I’m an unmotivated lump who needs you to push me to be a reasonably accomplished person” is not exactly a boner-inducer.
But he is still an award-winning catch next to this OkCupid champ, who also doesn't believe in judging:
