Do you know these people? Are you these people? Which one are you?
Note: Sports fans can be annoying. All of us. Here are some of our worst offenses.
The Frontrunner
Want to know how to tell if one of your friends is a douchebag? Ask him why he first started following his favorite team. If his answer has anything to do with how good that team is, you are legally allowed to punch him in the face and give him noogies until he cries. That's the law.* Why? Because he's The Frontrunner.
There are few things more maddening than listening to The Frontrunner brag about his team's success. While fans of other teams loyally suffer and keep the faith that their luck will turn, The Frontrunner smiles and talks about how many titles the Yankees have won. Can you imagine being one of LeBron's friends growing up in Akron, Ohio? As you watch your Cavs, Indians, and Browns fail in the most heartbreaking ways, you have to take shit from your friend who just chose to be a Bulls, Yankees, and Cowboys fan? Insufferable.
Note: Being a fan of a good team does not make you The Frontrunner. Choosing that team exclusively because they're good does.
*Probably not true.
Image by Mark Duncan / AP
The "Drunk And Suddenly An Expert" Fan
This guy hangs out at the bar on a Saturday afternoon and seems nice enough. Quiet. Reserved. But then he starts drinking, and suddenly he's screaming at the TV about Tim Lincecum's mechanics this year are messed up because of a rare effect THC has on people in the Bay Area, or how he has a friend who works for the NBA who told him Dwight Howard is definitely coming to Brooklyn, but they just can't announce it yet. The more he drinks, the more obnoxious and confident he gets in his absurd explanations. Never engage him.
The Fantasy-First Fan
It's Sunday afternoon and you're at you and your buddies all get together to watch your beloved Bills take on the Jets. Ryan Fitzpatrick is leading the good guys down the field when Darrelle Revis picks off a pass and returns it for a touchdown. One of your friends starts pumping his fist. Why? Because he has the Jets defense on his fantasy team and he's in a playoff hunt. This person should be forcibly removed from the party and your life. And he should not be allowed to stop by the table of wings on the way out.
