Should you decline it, or just ignore it? Plus, what to do about gross, cutesy couples on Instagram.

What's the proper etiquette for turning down Facebook invites? I feel that when you aren't going to go to something, you should just ignore the RSVP rather than hit "DECLINE." True or not true?

You’ve provided me with a leading question, which I like, because it means that you have several strong, unflinching opinions about something having to do with Facebook. I relate to that.

I think you’re right. Facebook invites are not like normal invites. They are used to alert old acquaintances to things you’re doing with your life, mostly just so they know you’re doing SOMETHING. They are sent to people of whom the sender has no expectation of actual attendance. They can be really useful, sometimes! But more often, they are used like paper fliers. If you took a flier out from under your windshield wiper, tracked down the person who put it there, and told him or her that you didn’t want to attend that specific event, that person would think you were crazed and just kind of mean. The same is true for (most) Facebook events.

Here’s how you know if you should ignore a Facebook invite rather than hit “decline”: 1) the event is taking place in a state/country other than the one where you live, 2) the invite is coming from someone you don’t regularly speak to and/or 3) the invite has been sent to over 100 people. There is just no need to RSVP with reasons for your inability to attend unless this is an event hosted by a friend looking for a definitive head count. Getting those little “So-and-so has DECLINED to attend your special day, because he hates you” notifications is annoying, and it feels personal. We all have to know that some of the people we invite by Facebook aren’t going to make it to our events – if having this go unsaid wasn’t acceptable to us, we’d use real invitations like adults, or call up our friends and invite them directly. Still, there’s no need to rub it in.

A while ago I decided to send my "virtual" friends (Twitter/FB) proper e-mails to get better acquainted. About 75 percent of the people were very happy, and I continue to write them today. But the other 25 percent didn't write back, and it sent me into the inevitable panic that I had annoyed them. So, was this a fine idea? Or do people get deluged with e-mails and it's just irritating?

Isn’t sending email the worst? I mean, sure — once the other person responds, it’s the best. But there is no constant, low-level panic quite like waiting for an email that might never come. Many of the people we email, like in your case, are people we don’t know in real life, and if they don’t respond, how can we really be sure they didn’t print out our emails just to tear them up and spit on them and burn them? We can’t. That could be happening like eight times out of ten.

I don’t understand people who don’t respond to friendly emails — even if just to be polite and make one’s disinterest clear. Nor do I understand people who aren’t thrilled by receiving ANY kind of mail. EVERY time I get an email, I am as excited as Harry Potter was when he got that letter delivered to his cupboard that said, “Hey Harry, you’re magic, go buy a stick.” It’s why I always wear robes when I check Gmail. In a perfect world, everyone would be as thrilled to hear from you as you would be to hear from them. Unfortunately, the world is not perfect — I know this because there is now a boy band that calls ITSELF “The Wanted.” I’m sorry, but boy band names have to be acronyms and/or capitalized, stylized misspellings of other words.

Here’s what happened when you emailed your friends: some of them (most of them! Good for you!) were excited and happy. A few of them were ambivalent. MAYBE one was quietly hostile, but I kind of doubt it. Sending emails to people you interact with isn’t irritating, but that doesn’t mean that everyone will (or has to) respond. Some people just aren’t interested in an email-based friendship, and that’s okay. Try (though I know this is impossible for me) not to take it personally. You have a good batting average right now, so you must be doing something right.

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Should you decline it, or just ignore it? Plus, what to do about gross, cutesy couples on Instagram.

What's the proper etiquette for turning down Facebook invites? I feel that when you aren't going to go to something, you should just ignore the RSVP rather than hit "DECLINE." True or not true?

You’ve provided me with a leading question, which I like, because it means that you have several strong, unflinching opinions about something having to do with Facebook. I relate to that.

I think you’re right. Facebook invites are not like normal invites. They are used to alert old acquaintances to things you’re doing with your life, mostly just so they know you’re doing SOMETHING. They are sent to people of whom the sender has no expectation of actual attendance. They can be really useful, sometimes! But more often, they are used like paper fliers. If you took a flier out from under your windshield wiper, tracked down the person who put it there, and told him or her that you didn’t want to attend that specific event, that person would think you were crazed and just kind of mean. The same is true for (most) Facebook events.

Here’s how you know if you should ignore a Facebook invite rather than hit “decline”: 1) the event is taking place in a state/country other than the one where you live, 2) the invite is coming from someone you don’t regularly speak to and/or 3) the invite has been sent to over 100 people. There is just no need to RSVP with reasons for your inability to attend unless this is an event hosted by a friend looking for a definitive head count. Getting those little “So-and-so has DECLINED to attend your special day, because he hates you” notifications is annoying, and it feels personal. We all have to know that some of the people we invite by Facebook aren’t going to make it to our events – if having this go unsaid wasn’t acceptable to us, we’d use real invitations like adults, or call up our friends and invite them directly. Still, there’s no need to rub it in.

A while ago I decided to send my "virtual" friends (Twitter/FB) proper e-mails to get better acquainted. About 75 percent of the people were very happy, and I continue to write them today. But the other 25 percent didn't write back, and it sent me into the inevitable panic that I had annoyed them. So, was this a fine idea? Or do people get deluged with e-mails and it's just irritating?

Isn’t sending email the worst? I mean, sure — once the other person responds, it’s the best. But there is no constant, low-level panic quite like waiting for an email that might never come. Many of the people we email, like in your case, are people we don’t know in real life, and if they don’t respond, how can we really be sure they didn’t print out our emails just to tear them up and spit on them and burn them? We can’t. That could be happening like eight times out of ten.

I don’t understand people who don’t respond to friendly emails — even if just to be polite and make one’s disinterest clear. Nor do I understand people who aren’t thrilled by receiving ANY kind of mail. EVERY time I get an email, I am as excited as Harry Potter was when he got that letter delivered to his cupboard that said, “Hey Harry, you’re magic, go buy a stick.” It’s why I always wear robes when I check Gmail. In a perfect world, everyone would be as thrilled to hear from you as you would be to hear from them. Unfortunately, the world is not perfect — I know this because there is now a boy band that calls ITSELF “The Wanted.” I’m sorry, but boy band names have to be acronyms and/or capitalized, stylized misspellings of other words.

Here’s what happened when you emailed your friends: some of them (most of them! Good for you!) were excited and happy. A few of them were ambivalent. MAYBE one was quietly hostile, but I kind of doubt it. Sending emails to people you interact with isn’t irritating, but that doesn’t mean that everyone will (or has to) respond. Some people just aren’t interested in an email-based friendship, and that’s okay. Try (though I know this is impossible for me) not to take it personally. You have a good batting average right now, so you must be doing something right.

View Entire List ›

Should you decline it, or just ignore it? Plus, what to do about gross, cutesy couples on Instagram.

What's the proper etiquette for turning down Facebook invites? I feel that when you aren't going to go to something, you should just ignore the RSVP rather than hit "DECLINE." True or not true?

You’ve provided me with a leading question, which I like, because it means that you have several strong, unflinching opinions about something having to do with Facebook. I relate to that.

I think you’re right. Facebook invites are not like normal invites. They are used to alert old acquaintances to things you’re doing with your life, mostly just so they know you’re doing SOMETHING. They are sent to people of whom the sender has no expectation of actual attendance. They can be really useful, sometimes! But more often, they are used like paper fliers. If you took a flier out from under your windshield wiper, tracked down the person who put it there, and told him or her that you didn’t want to attend that specific event, that person would think you were crazed and just kind of mean. The same is true for (most) Facebook events.

Here’s how you know if you should ignore a Facebook invite rather than hit “decline”: 1) the event is taking place in a state/country other than the one where you live, 2) the invite is coming from someone you don’t regularly speak to and/or 3) the invite has been sent to over 100 people. There is just no need to RSVP with reasons for your inability to attend unless this is an event hosted by a friend looking for a definitive head count. Getting those little “So-and-so has DECLINED to attend your special day, because he hates you” notifications is annoying, and it feels personal. We all have to know that some of the people we invite by Facebook aren’t going to make it to our events – if having this go unsaid wasn’t acceptable to us, we’d use real invitations like adults, or call up our friends and invite them directly. Still, there’s no need to rub it in.

A while ago I decided to send my "virtual" friends (Twitter/FB) proper e-mails to get better acquainted. About 75 percent of the people were very happy, and I continue to write them today. But the other 25 percent didn't write back, and it sent me into the inevitable panic that I had annoyed them. So, was this a fine idea? Or do people get deluged with e-mails and it's just irritating?

Isn’t sending email the worst? I mean, sure — once the other person responds, it’s the best. But there is no constant, low-level panic quite like waiting for an email that might never come. Many of the people we email, like in your case, are people we don’t know in real life, and if they don’t respond, how can we really be sure they didn’t print out our emails just to tear them up and spit on them and burn them? We can’t. That could be happening like eight times out of ten.

I don’t understand people who don’t respond to friendly emails — even if just to be polite and make one’s disinterest clear. Nor do I understand people who aren’t thrilled by receiving ANY kind of mail. EVERY time I get an email, I am as excited as Harry Potter was when he got that letter delivered to his cupboard that said, “Hey Harry, you’re magic, go buy a stick.” It’s why I always wear robes when I check Gmail. In a perfect world, everyone would be as thrilled to hear from you as you would be to hear from them. Unfortunately, the world is not perfect — I know this because there is now a boy band that calls ITSELF “The Wanted.” I’m sorry, but boy band names have to be acronyms and/or capitalized, stylized misspellings of other words.

Here’s what happened when you emailed your friends: some of them (most of them! Good for you!) were excited and happy. A few of them were ambivalent. MAYBE one was quietly hostile, but I kind of doubt it. Sending emails to people you interact with isn’t irritating, but that doesn’t mean that everyone will (or has to) respond. Some people just aren’t interested in an email-based friendship, and that’s okay. Try (though I know this is impossible for me) not to take it personally. You have a good batting average right now, so you must be doing something right.

View Entire List ›